Local Journalism Teacher is Discovered to be a Neanderthal
bY: MEGHAN SHAFFER
Amy Nazarko, a local teacher has been found to be a Neanderthal. She teaches at Wayne Valley Highschool for 10th grade English and also teaches an elective, Journalism. She is a mother of 2 and resides in Wayne, NJ.
At approximately 9:27am Mrs. Nazarko began shaking and grunting while teaching her third period journalism class. Suddenly, her body began to contort and without any warning- she transformed into a heaping tall Neanderthal. “She just started bugging out, and then, she had no clothes on and looked like a creepy caveman.” A student of the class informed Neptune News. “Mrs. Nazarko looked insane, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.” another witness there at the time of transformation told us.
After her change in body form, Nazarko leaped to the top of her desk and started slamming her legs down to a beat. At this time, students hid in fear, with no attempt to run past the now Neanderthal to attempt to escape the room. After she pounded on the desk, one source tells us it seemed like some sort of Neanderthal-ritual, Nazarko smashed through the window, and ran out into the courtyard.
Police are still investigating her whereabouts at the moment. She was last seen in A+P, where she got her hands on a box of matches. Police believe she was not part of the time period in which Neanderthals discovered fire, so this is her first time experiencing what she believes to be a phenomenon. Witnesses say she ran out of the store with matches, and started towards the school once again. What her intentions are to do with the gift of fire, no one knows.
Scientists are at awe of the situation at hand. A lunch worker at the school is believed to have started the disease, now called hepatitis Homo-neanderthalensis, or hepatitis Hn. Researchers believe the lunch worker, who remains anonymous at the moment, is a time-traveling Neanderthal. He could have transmitted hepatitis Hn when handling Mrs. Nazarko’s food. This form of hepatitis takes days to set it, and it appears that she was infected about 30 days prior to the incident.
The Nazarko family is in complete shock over the situation. “Why would the school hire a time-traveling Neanderthal?” exclaims Mrs. Nazarkos’ husband desperately. “I just want my wife back, not some caveman who will only scare our children away.” No one else from the family wants to speak out about the traumatizing event that has occurred.
There is no telling how many Neanderthals will emerge from the situation at hand. Police and scientists are working together to try and contain this disease from becoming an epidemic. “Having no way of telling how many new Neanderthals their are in the world, our hope is that there was only one time-traveling Neanderthal.” tells Dr. Doolittle. Scientists do not know how the Neanderthals from the past got their hands on a time machine. Only time will tell how many Neanderthals will come from this new virus.
At approximately 9:27am Mrs. Nazarko began shaking and grunting while teaching her third period journalism class. Suddenly, her body began to contort and without any warning- she transformed into a heaping tall Neanderthal. “She just started bugging out, and then, she had no clothes on and looked like a creepy caveman.” A student of the class informed Neptune News. “Mrs. Nazarko looked insane, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.” another witness there at the time of transformation told us.
After her change in body form, Nazarko leaped to the top of her desk and started slamming her legs down to a beat. At this time, students hid in fear, with no attempt to run past the now Neanderthal to attempt to escape the room. After she pounded on the desk, one source tells us it seemed like some sort of Neanderthal-ritual, Nazarko smashed through the window, and ran out into the courtyard.
Police are still investigating her whereabouts at the moment. She was last seen in A+P, where she got her hands on a box of matches. Police believe she was not part of the time period in which Neanderthals discovered fire, so this is her first time experiencing what she believes to be a phenomenon. Witnesses say she ran out of the store with matches, and started towards the school once again. What her intentions are to do with the gift of fire, no one knows.
Scientists are at awe of the situation at hand. A lunch worker at the school is believed to have started the disease, now called hepatitis Homo-neanderthalensis, or hepatitis Hn. Researchers believe the lunch worker, who remains anonymous at the moment, is a time-traveling Neanderthal. He could have transmitted hepatitis Hn when handling Mrs. Nazarko’s food. This form of hepatitis takes days to set it, and it appears that she was infected about 30 days prior to the incident.
The Nazarko family is in complete shock over the situation. “Why would the school hire a time-traveling Neanderthal?” exclaims Mrs. Nazarkos’ husband desperately. “I just want my wife back, not some caveman who will only scare our children away.” No one else from the family wants to speak out about the traumatizing event that has occurred.
There is no telling how many Neanderthals will emerge from the situation at hand. Police and scientists are working together to try and contain this disease from becoming an epidemic. “Having no way of telling how many new Neanderthals their are in the world, our hope is that there was only one time-traveling Neanderthal.” tells Dr. Doolittle. Scientists do not know how the Neanderthals from the past got their hands on a time machine. Only time will tell how many Neanderthals will come from this new virus.
Anita Piccininni is the Grudge.
BY: DENNIS REED
Wayne Valley student Anita Piccininni reportedly was seen coming out of the walls. An eye witness reports seeing Anita behaving strangely on the day of the first occurrence. This picture was taken just seconds before she attacked.
Harry Millz a student at Wayne Valley High School has said “She’s a crazy (explicit), she’s a girl she doesn’t have the physical strength or the mental capacity to pull something like this off. She has to be working with someone.” When asked what he meant by these comments he refused to answer and walked away.
Little is known about Anita Piccininni. Some say she’s a homeless girl. Others say she’s just plain weird. But no one knows for sure. Local lore says she was a troubled girl who was bullied in school. Something needs to be done in order to stop these killings.
Sam and Dean Winchester who are professionals in the field of the supernatural. They are responsible for solving some of the toughest paranormal cases all over the world. They have been called in to help stop Anita and end her reign of terror. Whatever happens the town of Wayne needs some good right now.
Harry Millz a student at Wayne Valley High School has said “She’s a crazy (explicit), she’s a girl she doesn’t have the physical strength or the mental capacity to pull something like this off. She has to be working with someone.” When asked what he meant by these comments he refused to answer and walked away.
Little is known about Anita Piccininni. Some say she’s a homeless girl. Others say she’s just plain weird. But no one knows for sure. Local lore says she was a troubled girl who was bullied in school. Something needs to be done in order to stop these killings.
Sam and Dean Winchester who are professionals in the field of the supernatural. They are responsible for solving some of the toughest paranormal cases all over the world. They have been called in to help stop Anita and end her reign of terror. Whatever happens the town of Wayne needs some good right now.